Need advice (sorry it's long)

Relationship with your partner

Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby HolyMelody » Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:39 pm

I need some relationship advice. I'm 24 and have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. I've known him all my childhood so when we started dating we moved fast. We moved in together within months of dating, and everything was peachy at first. It wasn't until we passed the one year mark when things started to change. When we first started dating he would occasionally get mad when I played games on my phone, and accused me of cheating. I would let it go because I know he feels insecure because he was cheated on, but now it's much worse. He is always looking over my shoulder and asking me who I'm texting or what I'm doing on my phone. He would go off on me and tell me I'm a stupid b**ch and so on because he thinks I'm talking to dudes. It had gotten so bad that I ended up having a break down, and said I would leave if he wouldn't stop. For the next few days he was super sweet, and loving. Than he started up again, but not only was he getting mad at me for looking at my phone but going out to see my only friend. He told me I shouldn't have to see her every week. Which is only once a week while he's at work, but he can see his friends everyday and leave me at the house alone and I'm suppose to be okay with it? He won't even let me go to a charity run because I'll be gone for two nights with my sister's. He even gets mad at me even mentioning it. I even got in trouble because I cut my hair, and he even got mad when I said I wanted to dye it blonde because he wanted me to dye it red. I just feel like I'm always walking on eggshells around him, and I've told him this, but he thinks I'm crazy. He even got mad when I told him I didn't want s*x, but we ended up doing it anyways cause he wanted too. It was the first time I turned him down and he made a big deal out of it. I don't know what to do. I want to leave but I'm afraid of what he would do. My friends said I need to leave when he's not home, and come back to tell him I'm breaking up with him with someone around, but that seems unfair to him. He told me today that he finally wants to have a kid with me, and it just made me feel so bad because I've been thinking about leaving him. I'm so confused. Should I just stay and see if he will get better or should I move on?
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby mgnrpprt » Fri Apr 14, 2017 11:52 pm

It will not get better. Nothing is going to make him stop feeling so insecure or change his controlling personality. Those are internal issues that need to be worked through in therapy.
I don't see how your plan of leaving when he's gone and telling him about it with someone with you is unfair to him when he is unfair to you so often. You need to be thinking about your safety. If y'all have a kid, you will be trapped with him and he knows it. I think you really need to get out before it gets to that point. Sometimes you have to put your feelings aside and do what's best for you. You have the support of your friends and family it sounds like, use that to your advantage. Let them love you and help you through this. I know it's hard. I don't see how this could ever end in anything good though, and you deserve so much more
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby HolyMelody » Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:20 am

Thank you. I was afraid that I might have been over reacting or over thinking things. I also wanted another opinion on the matter because I know my friends/family can be bias at times. I know in my heart he won't change, but a part of me had hope he might. I know I need to leave before it gets worse, because I deserve better. I guess part of me is just disappointed, but thank you for you words it's making it clearer that I need to leave, and so I will start making plans to do so even if it's hard.
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby Pfctpiemakersgirl » Sat Apr 15, 2017 2:12 am

You are not overreacting, you told him how you feel and he belittled you. It won't get any better and you would be smart to leave him. Who cares what's fair to him? You need to move out when he's not home and definitely have someone with you when you see him to break up.
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby lezzle » Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:26 am

If I were you I would just go, leave a note and tell him why. He is a control freak so don't listen to any of his threats or promises to change. You already gave him a chance to improve and he reverted back to type. Don't fall for any of his sob stories. Leave with your head held high and take back control. You only have one life so don't waste it on someone who makes you miserable x
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby Moosey » Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:47 am

These ladies are 100% right. You need to listen to your gut- he's controlling you, trying to cut you off from friends and family and wants you pregnant only so you have to stay and he can control you completely. Don't bring a child into this- how will he treat this child? Your brain is not working properly because of his abusive behavior- fair to him? No- you need to think about what is fair to you. Is he cheating? Sometimes men will project this onto their partner and accuse them of cheating because they are. You have the support of friends and family. Go- as it is planned. When he is out- pack the things you need, leave a note, then come back with a friends to get rest of things. Don't waver when he cries and says he will change- he won't. And this worries me- that you said no to s*x but had it anyway. Was this forced? Did you consent? He has slowly taken everything from you. GO and don't look back. Don't be concerned about friendship- he has ruined it not you.
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby Chimango » Sat Apr 15, 2017 9:56 am

I think you just need to leave. He won't change in any ways. You deserve better dear. Be wise, don't get pregnant for him now please, leave while you are clean.
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby gul » Sat Apr 15, 2017 12:59 pm

Run away baby as fast as you can, this guy won't change if he's not able to appreciate anything you want to do like haircut or hair color of your choice this is controlling behavior and it will get worse as days pass by. Please don't think of having a child with him it will end up him having two lives to control can you imagine your child going through the same what you are going through?
You can help him with therapy if you really care for him but that should be done with you being away from him. Take care
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby Aimeefrancis_96 » Sat Apr 15, 2017 1:23 pm

Don't let a man stop you from seeing your friends! My ex tried to do this with me and he controlled me that much to a point were I wouldn't speak to my friends to avoid conflict and to stop an argument I thought it was easier that way. He seems to be trying to control you and you have to put your foot down and let him know that you won't let him walk over you because the more it continues on the more power he gets over you. You tell him straight that you want to be treated with a bit more respect and to trust you! There's no relationship without trust...
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Re: Need advice (sorry it's long)

Postby PreemieMommy » Sat Apr 15, 2017 3:24 pm

lezzle wrote:If I were you I would just go, leave a note and tell him why. He is a control freak so don't listen to any of his threats or promises to change. You already gave him a chance to improve and he reverted back to type. Don't fall for any of his sob stories. Leave with your head held high and take back control. You only have one life so don't waste it on someone who makes you miserable x


Couldn't have said it better.
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