My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Parenting

My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Tee1712 » Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:25 am

We live with his dads family 4 days and mine 3 days his always chasing after his dads mum in the walker tugging at her clothes to be held he cries when she leaves the room and he gets excited when he hears her voice or sees her he will jump and clap his hands and stretch to her to be held. But when he sees me he won’t do nothing he won’t even baby talk with me but does with her he won’t laugh when I’m around but laughs when she makes jokes I give him so much love but I feel like he doesn’t love me or doesn’t know if I’m his mum.. he hurts becos his the only child I could have I can’t conceive anymore and I don’t feel wanted by my own baby. When I take him off his grand lap for nap time etc. He will hold on to her and cry then when I gently take him he will scream and cry when he notices his on my lap and not hers then cry even more when she leaves the room!!!! I mean what kid doesn’t go to their own MOTHER he will only like to be held by her!!!! Even if I’m out the whole day and come back he will not show any excitement to see me I’m starting to think his better of without me and doesn’t need me in his life please help me I feel depressed knowing my own baby doesn’t want his mother
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Kati-91 » Thu Oct 12, 2017 10:34 pm

Hi, I know exactly how you feel. I used to live very close to my parents and my mum spent a lot of time with my son. He would always get “Mama“ and „Oma” mixed up and cling to her more than me and got very difficult when we were both around as he was confused of who is his mum.
As much as I loved my mum for taking care of him and making sure that I could finish school and college, it was very hard for me as I didn’t feel like I was the mum. When he was 5 I moved further away, because things started to get out of hand. He didn’t want to be at my place and always run off to my parents, also we couldn’t spend time together as a family because he had anger issues when my mum and I were both there. It all got better once we moved and just met a few times during the week. I wished I could have moved earlier.
I’m not sure if moving is an option for you. I wish you all the best for the future
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Tee1712 » Fri Oct 13, 2017 9:32 pm

Im always with him literally everyday even dropped out of work but I don’t understand why he wants her over me all the time and doesn’t come to me from her and cries when she leaves room do u think becos she plays with him more like on the floor tummy time etc
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby flopsy » Fri Oct 13, 2017 10:13 pm

Hoe old's the baby?
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Tee1712 » Sat Oct 14, 2017 12:31 pm

9 month
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Guin26 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:46 pm

Theres nothing to worry about, he's just being a baby. My kid sister did that to me all through her infant days, she got so attached to me than my stepmom her mom. She did everything you described. The mom was also worried, but after i went off to the university and only visited once in a long time she got used to not seeing me and was then attached to the mom. Maybe you should travel somewhere with him where he doesn't get to see his grandma often...that might help. But even if you choose not to travel, keep being a mom to him, with time he will come around
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Tee1712 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 8:02 pm

Thanks hunnys
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Mommyt0715 » Sat Oct 28, 2017 4:13 pm

I wouldn’t worry... it’s normal at this age to have separation anxiety. It’s just another woman. He prolly is confused and which is ok. It’ll pass soon. You are the Mother and no one can replace that. Baby knows who Mother and Father are. There’s a bond there that’ll never go away no matter who enters their lives. It’s hard now yes, it’ll be better soon. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Baby is baby and half the time they don’t even know what they want.

My first born I had my best girl friend living with me. She put him to bed every night cuz I worked nights sometimes would bath him etc. well he had two women taking care of him no father involved after 8 months. He called her Mom sometimes. Her name was Rebekah kinda hard for a 1 year old to say. So we changed her name it worked.

My daughter got attached to her Uncle who lived with us for a year. They were close. Super duper close!!! There was my son, her dad and I in the house and he was her favorite. She’s 2.5 and still always wants her Uncle when he’s around she is glued to him!!! Dad has t said much about it all... but I’m sure he feels like she loves him more! Hahaha. Kids!! Also I finally had a baby sitter.... for he first time Daughter jut turned 2. She actually started calling baby sitter Mom... she has her own kids and they call her Mom. So she thought that was her name. We told her it was Nikki and kept saying it and now she’s Nikki. Kids don’t know any better. So that’s why I say don’t beat yourself up!

One more story... lol are used to babysit four Kids to youngest was three months old two twin boys that were two years old and then a four-year-old little girl I spent so much time with these kids that the youngest will call me Mom still to this day she is almost 20 years old and will still call me Mom but she would scream and cry when I would leave the house she wanted to go home with me she would sit out the window and scream and cry to the point where her mom would have to call me to come back inside to comfort her daughter and then sneak out of the house..... she knows I’m not her
Mom. She knew I wasn’t. I think kids associate males -dad and females -moms especially if they are the main care takers in the house. That could be why your baby is attached to her she sees her as another “mom” figure bu taking care of things....

Good luck to you!! I wrote a lot but I just want you to know it’s normal and not to beat yourself up over it!!!!
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby Tryingfor3 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:24 pm

Oh honey Grandmas have this weird baby power. My youngest daughter would pack up and live with my grandmother if I allowed it lol it does hurt but try not to take it personally. He absolutely does love you and as he grows his attention will go to other people. I know how frustrating it is but just hang in there.
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Re: My 9 month old isn’t attached to me but his gran!!

Postby bric_88 » Tue Nov 21, 2017 1:08 pm

I want to start off by saying, I can relate to what you're going through and also to try not to stress/worry over it too much and don't beat yourself up over this. I have 2 boys a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old and with both of them I experienced them being closer to someone else other then me. From your description of the situation you don't seem to be doing anything wrong and are jusy trying to be the best mom you know how to be to your son. I know it's difficult and it hurts to see your baby so attached and close to somebody else especially when you're doing all that you can to establish that same bond with him that he has with his grandmother. In my opinion and from my personal experience I would suggest you should maybe take a closer look at exactly what it is his grandmother is doing with him that maybe you aren't doing or you aren't doing enough of. For example, you asked if maybe their closeness could come from the fact that she spends more time talking to and playing with him then you do when it comes to his tummy time and the likes so, maybe you should try doing the same thing with him more often like she does. Also babies can feel our vibes and can feel we are upset, stressed, bothered, happy, relaxed, so maybe your baby is picking up on your vibes. So try to relax more when you're around him and try not to force yourself on to him. I'm not saying that you aren't relaxed around him or that you're forcing yourself on him so please I hope I didn't offend you and I apologise if I did.
With my 1 yr old he was hospitalized for a month after he was born and when he got out the hospital I wasn't allowed to live with him so, my sister kept him. Being that I wasn't around him as much as my sister he's noticibly closer to her then he is to me. Needless to say I was hurt and bothered by this because I'm his mother not her. I thought does he even know who I am and that I'm his mother not her? Does he even need or want me? Like you I thought he would be better off without me. However that's changed. Over time and with me spending more time with him, talking/singing to him, comforting him whenever he'll let me or when I can, playing with him, holding him, bathing him, etc. all that along with time, patience, consistency and his age I no longer worry about him not knowing who I am and I not knowing me as his mother. Now when he sees me he gets excited and smiles sometimes he'll come and hug me like the way he's always done with my sister but not always with me. My mom tells me he's now starting to notice when I'm gone and that he'll go looking for me in the room I stay in when I'm visiting over my mom's. She says that shes seeing a difference in him and how he reacts to me when he first sees me and when he notices I'm gone now from back then when he was younger and up into a few months ago. Now when I leave he cries for me. I'll hold him and tell him, yes I'm your mommy and I love you so much. Your mommy loves you so so much. You know who your mommy is. You know I'm your mommy now right? In my opinion this just let's him know who I am because I feel like he does understand what I am saying and how I am feeling when I say this to him. Also it helps me to feel a little better whenever I tell him I'm his mommy.
With my 5 year old hes always been really close to my mom. All of my parent's grandkids call them mom and dad instead of grandma/pa because when my 1st niece was born she was the only grandkid and all she heard every one saying was, "mom and dad" so it stuck. Now all the grandkids call them my mom and dad. So when my son began calling her mom it didn't really bother me. What bothered me was when I would hear my mom telling my son, "give that to Sabrina (my name)" instead of "give that to mommy" I understand she has had a big hand in raising him and I haven't always been around but, that hurt. Thankfully I cleaned up my act before my son got used to saying Sabrina instead of mommy. Neways.... Its been a struggle for my mom to let go and be the grandparent and allow me to be the mom. I have to constantly talk to her and remind her that I'm here now I'm his mommy and she needs to please try and step back. Which is trying really hard to do. My son doesn't make it easier on her to let go though cause at bedtime he'll go and get her from her bed and have her come lay down in our bed with me and him. I try telling him no she has her bed and we have ours. But he will not go to sleep unless she's laying down with us or he'll tell me I'm going to go lay down with mom whenever I tell him it's bedtime. However he still turns to me for comfort when he sad scared hurt crying and he gets really happy to see me when I get home and sad when I have to leave him. Maybe you could try talking to your baby's grandparent and let her know how the situation makes you feel and if she could please step back a little and let you be the parent if you haven't don't this already.
I hope my experience has helped you in some way and I hope I made some sense to you. Just please try not to beat yourself up and don't ever think your baby would be better off without and that he doesn't know who you are. I guarantee with a little bit more quality time with just you and him nobody else around he'll know exactly who you are and began to develop an even deeper bond with you then he has with any one else. Well good luck ma. I know everything will turn out just fine.
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